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Tag: depression

Wow…What a Week…

Wow!  What a week, right?  Yea, it’s been a crazy one for me and it’s only Tuesday!  I honestly don’t think my emotions can’t handle anymore.  It all exploded after my workout tonight.

This is what I looked like.  Not pretty right?  But honestly, who cares.  I totally broke down.  I’m was done.  Exhausted – mentally,  physically and emotionally.

First, I’ve got a TON going on at my full time job.  I’m in the middle of my normal monthly project and then an even bigger project gets thrown in.  I mean, it’s one where you’d have to drop everything if you got an email.  This one…mental stress.

Then, in the wake of what happened in Las Vegas, I was literally torn apart.  No, I didn’t know anyone attending the concert, but honestly I don’t think that matters.  The fact that this event even took place is devastating for anyone.  I’ve been to Las Vegas and loved it.  I’ve stayed at Mandalay Bay before.  I’ve been to outdoor concerts.  I have never had something this awful happen in my life.  However, the fact that it CAN happen, scares the crap out of me.  Over the past few days so many questions have been running through my mind (and I’m sure yours too) but some of them I can’t answer.  All I can do is tell my loved ones how much I love them and give them all hugs next time I see them.  This one…emotional stress.

Lastly, tonight’s workout was a challenging one.  It was the last straw, if you will.  Tonight we (my husband/accountability partner/workout buddy) did a 45 minute kickboxing workout.  It’s one of my favorites because the music gets you amped, the moves are fun to do because they make you feel like a true fighter and at the end, you’re sweating buckets.  It might not be the workout for everyone, but it’s the workout for me.  There are a few tracks that literally leave you breathless.  Like crazy breathing.  Out your ears breathing.  Whenever I do this workout, it makes me think back to 5 years ago when I first started my journey.  Back then, I would have never been able to get through this workout without pausing the DVD.  This one was not only physical stress but it was emotional stress too.

So what do I do with all this stress?  Well, I could do a few things:

•  I could cry my eyes out every day.

•  I could bottle it up and just harbor all that energy.

•   I could decide not to leave my house because it’s too scary of world out.

•   I could go see someone and get things off my chest.

Granted, I do the first one maybe once a month but that’s not so fun.  Harboring energy, whether good or bad energy is never a good thing so I think I’ll pass on that one.  Leaving my house is just not an option.  But, I can get help.  And listen, it’s not a bad thing to ask for help.  It might feel like you’re failing, but trust me…you’re not.  Getting help is one of the best things you can do for yourself because it’s part of self-care.  There are many, many people out there that swear by therapy because you’re getting feedback from unbiased parties.  It can be as simple as that.

So has your week been stressful like mine?  If so, how are you handling it?  Stress management can happen in a variety of ways and I love to hear what you’re doing to get through it.  Leave me a comment and share!  You  just might be helping someone else in the process.

 

Lost…But I’m Found

Have you ever felt lost?  I know I have.   And believe it or not, I currently do.  Lately I’ve been looking at my life and realizing how crazy things are.  And despite how busy I feel, I’ve been feeling very alone lately.  Let me explain.

I grew up surrounded by people, and always seemed to have a lot of friends.  My circle may have been small, but it was there all through high school and college.  As I got older, I started to work more and I ultimately found a job that I liked.  I even made friends at that job.  We’d make plans, hang out on the weekends and life was good.  Now, most of these friends have kids.  I don’t.  And part of me feels left out.  Because I don’t have kids, I’m not included in a lot of things anymore.  Instead, my “kid” is my business and it’s in the toddler stage, which means it needs a lot of attention.  And finding a balance can be tough.

As I work on building my business, and work toward my ultimate goal of freedom, I have realized that this is, and will be, a lonely process.  My business is me, myself and I.  That means working my full time job 13+ hours a day plus working on my passion 2-3 hours a day.  Then factor in sleep and you’ve got the entire day accounted for.  Where does that leave time for relationships?  It barely does.  As a result, my circle of friends has shrunk.  Am I ok with it?  Not really.  But then I think about it and realize that the people who are still with me are my true supporters.  They are in my tribe and will always have a place next to me.  And the others that have faded away, well they’re still in my mind, but not in the forefront anymore.

The relationship that means the most to me is the one that I have with my direct support – my husband.  And I’ve noticed, my relationship with him is starting to suffer.  And I don’t like it…not one bit.  I said to him just last night that I feel like I never see him anymore.  Like ever!  Because I’m working so much, I try to set aside one night a week to have some us time.  It’s usually Fridays because at the end of the week, we all need a break.  Sometimes I try to plan something and it doesn’t actually work out.  Last night, that’s exactly what happened.  And for some reason, it destroyed me.  I cried, I was angry, I was fed up with my life and I broke down.  I told him I couldn’t live like this anymore because I felt like it was breaking me down to the point where I couldn’t handle anything anymore.  We didn’t talk almost all night.  I hated it.

Today, was better.  We talked and agreed that I can’t keep going like this because it is breaking me.  I mean, we all experience times where our relationships struggle, but to continue down the same path means going to the dark side.  So how do I fix it?  Together we formed a plan, created a timeline and took a breath.   The breather was the best part.  It was needed…desperately.  It helped me realize not everything is as bad as it seems.  Instead of being bad, it’s more of an uphill challenge.  So my journey toward freedom and a better life for me and my husband might take longer and my circle of friends might get smaller but in the end, it is mine and is being done my way.  Just like your journey is yours and only yours.

In the meantime, how will I handle the anxiety and stress along the way?  It won’t be easy, but I know I’ll be able to manage it.  By using meditation, self-care techniques, proper nutrition, scheduling my time and taking time off, I’ll be able to work through the challenges ahead of me.  Bring it on obstacles, I’m ready for you!

Do you suffer from SAD?

SAD – it’s a real thing.  And I’m not talking about the emotion of feeling sad.  I’m taking about Seasonal Affective Disorder.  Not everyone suffers from this condition, but most of the people that do live in an area that has season changes.  I live in New England and if you haven’t lived here, you may not know how drastic the changes really are.

In New England, the weather changes are not only be the seasons, but also by day to day.  It’s June and right now the temperature is in the low 60s.  Most think that June is when the temperature starts to warm up.  But unfortunately, Mother Nature has other things in mind this year.  And what Mother Nature doesn’t realize is that people that live in New England that suffer from SAD are having a hard time this year.

I experience symptoms affiliated with SAD and have waves of emotion. Think of SAD as depression, yet it tends to only arise during the seasonal changes.  I typically have the most of my symptoms in the winter, when it’s cold and dark most of the day.  However, this year, my symptoms have come up more this year because of the constant changes in weather.  One week it will in the 70s and 80s and then the week after it will be in the 50s and 60s and rainy.  That change can throw people off their normal game, including me.  So what do you do to counteract SAD?

I try to counteract my symptoms by not being alone.  By being alone, you’re left to let your mind wander and think thoughts that may bring you down.  Instead of being alone, make sure you have activities in your planner to keep you busy.  Choose one event a weekend either with friends or in a new environment.  Don’t overburden yourself, but make sure you have “fun” built into your schedule.

Meditation can also help you get through these tough times.  I recommend using guided meditation because it will help you get into a positive head space.  Guided meditation can range a wide variety of topics from stress relief to sleep to work environments.  These meditations can range from 5-10 minutes and typically have a soft music playing in the background.  I have been doing a short guided meditation in the mornings and I find the thoughts that enter my brain after are positive and get me ready for the day.

And don’t forget, the seasons pass and SAD will pass…in time.  The symptoms you face may bring you down temporarily but there is light at the end of the tunnel.  If your symptoms seem to be too hard for you to handle on your own, please see professional help from a therapist.  They can help you work through these symptoms and help you live, not just pass through life.

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