Lost…But I’m Found

Have you ever felt lost?  I know I have.   And believe it or not, I currently do.  Lately I’ve been looking at my life and realizing how crazy things are.  And despite how busy I feel, I’ve been feeling very alone lately.  Let me explain.

I grew up surrounded by people, and always seemed to have a lot of friends.  My circle may have been small, but it was there all through high school and college.  As I got older, I started to work more and I ultimately found a job that I liked.  I even made friends at that job.  We’d make plans, hang out on the weekends and life was good.  Now, most of these friends have kids.  I don’t.  And part of me feels left out.  Because I don’t have kids, I’m not included in a lot of things anymore.  Instead, my “kid” is my business and it’s in the toddler stage, which means it needs a lot of attention.  And finding a balance can be tough.

As I work on building my business, and work toward my ultimate goal of freedom, I have realized that this is, and will be, a lonely process.  My business is me, myself and I.  That means working my full time job 13+ hours a day plus working on my passion 2-3 hours a day.  Then factor in sleep and you’ve got the entire day accounted for.  Where does that leave time for relationships?  It barely does.  As a result, my circle of friends has shrunk.  Am I ok with it?  Not really.  But then I think about it and realize that the people who are still with me are my true supporters.  They are in my tribe and will always have a place next to me.  And the others that have faded away, well they’re still in my mind, but not in the forefront anymore.

The relationship that means the most to me is the one that I have with my direct support – my husband.  And I’ve noticed, my relationship with him is starting to suffer.  And I don’t like it…not one bit.  I said to him just last night that I feel like I never see him anymore.  Like ever!  Because I’m working so much, I try to set aside one night a week to have some us time.  It’s usually Fridays because at the end of the week, we all need a break.  Sometimes I try to plan something and it doesn’t actually work out.  Last night, that’s exactly what happened.  And for some reason, it destroyed me.  I cried, I was angry, I was fed up with my life and I broke down.  I told him I couldn’t live like this anymore because I felt like it was breaking me down to the point where I couldn’t handle anything anymore.  We didn’t talk almost all night.  I hated it.

Today, was better.  We talked and agreed that I can’t keep going like this because it is breaking me.  I mean, we all experience times where our relationships struggle, but to continue down the same path means going to the dark side.  So how do I fix it?  Together we formed a plan, created a timeline and took a breath.   The breather was the best part.  It was needed…desperately.  It helped me realize not everything is as bad as it seems.  Instead of being bad, it’s more of an uphill challenge.  So my journey toward freedom and a better life for me and my husband might take longer and my circle of friends might get smaller but in the end, it is mine and is being done my way.  Just like your journey is yours and only yours.

In the meantime, how will I handle the anxiety and stress along the way?  It won’t be easy, but I know I’ll be able to manage it.  By using meditation, self-care techniques, proper nutrition, scheduling my time and taking time off, I’ll be able to work through the challenges ahead of me.  Bring it on obstacles, I’m ready for you!

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